12+ hour, 58+ min ago  (268+ words) LOS ANGELES'Audibly whispering "no, no, no" as his mind flashed back to the toiletry item he had neglected to retrieve amid his exit from the Los Angeles Lakers, NBA superstar Le Bron James reportedly panicked Wednesday upon remembering that he…...

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (122+ words) In a touching tribute, the couple were married in the very same church the bride's grandparents had driven by once. The post Caroline Watters and Kevin Rice appeared first on The Onion. Second Amendment Advocate Shoots His Mouth Off Government…...

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (258+ words) Shoppers Can Now Scour Bargain Bins For Marked-Down Beef, Pork, And More FRAMINGHAM, MA'In an effort to provide customers with an ever-wider variety of merchandise at steep discounts, executives at TJ Maxx announced Tuesday that the off-price retail chain had…...

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (249+ words) BAGLUNG, NEPAL'Claiming he could eat the stuff every day and still not get tired of it, local yak Henry Cunningham expressed his sincere hope Tuesday that they never stop making grass. "Man, after a long day on the plateau, nothing…...

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (291+ words) BTS is back and embarking on a massive world tour. In honor of the K-pop group, The Onion takes a look at the history of boy bands. King Philip IV figures it'd be funny to make all the eunuchs sing....

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (76+ words) University of Minnesota scientists have created the first-ever synthetic cell, called Spud Cell, which is able to feed, grow, and replicate as if it were naturally occurring. What do you think? "Nothing beats the cells mom used to make." "Is…...

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (228+ words) ST. LOUIS'Expressing their shock and outrage at the selfish display, attendees at Thursday's St. Louis Cardinals game reportedly erupted in boos after a little boy callously stole a foul ball from an adorable 42-year-old man. "Whoa, did you see what…...

22+ hour, 7+ min ago  (104+ words) This house goes by Jillian. Reference #5455426 The post Jillian appeared first on The Onion. Second Amendment Advocate Shoots His Mouth Off Government Watchdog Rolls Over Sparkler Strapped To Penis Cat Taught Not To Sleep In Wok Wife Embarrasses Husband In…...

1+ day, 22+ hour ago  (287+ words) NEW YORK'Touting the temporary installation as a chance to get totally immersed in the network's popular dramas, NBC unveiled an interactive Chicago pop-up Tuesday to promote its procedural franchise. "Fans of Chicago Fire, Chicago P. D. , and Chicago Med finally have a…...

1+ day, 22+ hour ago  (103+ words) The Onion Second Amendment Advocate Shoots His Mouth Off Government Watchdog Rolls Over Sparkler Strapped To Penis Cat Taught Not To Sleep In Wok Wife Embarrasses Husband In Front Of Prostitute Nation's Elderly Hit Hard By Closing Automatic Doors That…...