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Trump Delivers State Of The Union Death Rattle
3+ hour, 39+ min ago (121+ words) The post Trump Delivers State Of The Union Death Rattle appeared first on The Onion. TSA Discontinues Bomb-Eating Dogs Rich Kid From High School Wins Olympic Gold "The Thing About Dragons Is," Begins Promising Sentence Impossible To Describe Friend Without…...
Democrats Wear White Flag Pins To SOTU To Indicate Surrender
3+ hour, 39+ min ago (123+ words) The post Democrats Wear White Flag Pins To SOTU To Indicate Surrender appeared first on The Onion. TSA Discontinues Bomb-Eating Dogs Rich Kid From High School Wins Olympic Gold "The Thing About Dragons Is," Begins Promising Sentence Impossible To Describe…...
Trump Invites Victims Of Jeffrey Epstein Investigation As SOTU Guests
3+ hour, 39+ min ago (123+ words) The post Trump Invites Victims Of Jeffrey Epstein Investigation As SOTU Guests appeared first on The Onion. TSA Discontinues Bomb-Eating Dogs Rich Kid From High School Wins Olympic Gold "The Thing About Dragons Is," Begins Promising Sentence Impossible To Describe…...
Tyra Banks Says Taking Abuse From Tyra Banks Simply Reflective Of How The Industry Works
10+ hour, 39+ min ago (173+ words) SYDNEY'Responding to backlash following the release of Netflix's America's Next Top Model docuseries, supermodel and television personality Tyra Banks stated Tuesday that taking abuse from Tyra Banks is simply how the modeling industry works. "You can ask hundreds of models…...
Man Proud Of Hair On Ground After Haircut
13+ hour, 48+ min ago (216+ words) ERIE, PA'Feeling what he described as intense satisfaction as he gazed at the floor around the barber chair, local man Gabriel Daynes, 35, was proud of all the hair on the ground after he got a haircut, sources confirmed Tuesday. "Wow,…...
At No Point While Rewatching Every ‘Planet Of The Apes’ Does It Occur To Man He Might Be Depressed
13+ hour, 50+ min ago (324+ words) GRAND RAPIDS, MI'Despite ample opportunity for the troubling realization to occur to him in the long hours he spent staring at his laptop, sources reported Tuesday that local man Aaron Semple at no point recognized during his recent rewatching of…...
Speechwriters Struggling To Spin List Of Ugly Women Trump Gave Them Into SOTU Address
15+ hour, 39+ min ago (233+ words) The post Speechwriters Struggling To Spin List Of Ugly Women Trump Gave Them Into SOTU Address appeared first on The Onion. TSA Discontinues Bomb-Eating Dogs Rich Kid From High School Wins Olympic Gold "The Thing About Dragons Is," Begins Promising…...
Toxic Masculinity Brought To Jigsaw Puzzle
15+ hour, 39+ min ago (225+ words) The post Toxic Masculinity Brought To Jigsaw Puzzle appeared first on The Onion. TSA Discontinues Bomb-Eating Dogs Rich Kid From High School Wins Olympic Gold "The Thing About Dragons Is," Begins Promising Sentence Impossible To Describe Friend Without Being Mean…...
U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor
1+ day, 9+ hour ago (114+ words) The post U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor appeared first on The Onion. Rich Kid From High School Wins Olympic Gold "The Thing About Dragons Is," Begins Promising Sentence Impossible To Describe Friend Without Being Mean Couple Married For 50 Years Dies Only…...
U.S. Tourists Advised To Temporarily Avoid Shootouts With Mexican Drug Cartels
1+ day, 10+ hour ago (296+ words) WASHINGTON'In an effort to protect visitors to the violently contested territories south of the U.S. border, the State Department advised American tourists on Monday to temporarily avoid shootouts with Mexican drug cartels. "While at this time, we see no need for…...