1+ week, 4+ day ago   (132+ words) Good afternoon, what did we learn today? Some things! Evan did your tabs! They were good tabs. Pete Hegseth is literally breaking the military, and not in a cool way a bunch of peaceniks would like. That stupid aggravating infurating…...

2+ week, 4+ day ago   (252+ words) Here is where you subscribe! At first, Dolly’s producers tried to steer her from country. When she first signed with Monument Records in 1965, they tried to make her a bubblegum pop singer. She was young and blonde I guess, but…...

1+ week, 1+ day ago   (430+ words) Here’s the subscribe button. ½ oz Sazerac Rye ½ oz Planteray OFTD Rum ½ oz Ginger Liquor ½ oz lemon juice Shake all ingredients except the cola. Pour into a highball glass and top with Coca-Cola. Garnish with whatever you can set on fire....

2+ week, 1+ day ago   (197+ words) Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. I’m pretty good at this bartending stuff. I write some pretty decent cocktails. But there’s one aspect of bartending that I genuinely suck at. And it’s time to admit my flaws and talk about…...

1+ week, 18+ hour ago   (585+ words) It is 1954 and six people have been invited to a mansion in the middle of nowhere. They are greeted by the butler, Wadsworth (Tim Curry), and he is a very proper butler … or is he?! Everyone has got something to…...

2+ week, 5+ day ago   (25+ words) Another day of stories about America’s devolution! Here are some stories: More stories tomorrow when we write them! Send Wonkette to a friend I guess?...

1+ week, 5+ day ago   (264+ words) Mapquest is the new hottest app in town, since most good map-readers prefer maps that DON’T lick fascist sacks. [Yahoo! Tech] Bari Weiss’s CBS is just wondering when Abdul El-Sayed stopped doing 9/11. But wait, Bari Weiss just gets more deranged…...

2+ week, 2+ day ago   (516+ words) This week’s Wonkette movie night has been changed, in honor of Dolly Parton. Join ZiggyWiggy and all your other friends for Steel Magnolias, Saturday night at 9 p.m. Eastern. It is available with subscription on Paramount+; free with ads on Pluto…...

3+ week, 5+ day ago   (95+ words) Here are some stories: Today was the day we started talking about Natalie: We also told Bill Cassidy to go fuck himself. Bill Cassidy is not Natalie. We talked about how Hakeem Jeffries sucks. Hakeem Jeffries is not Natalie. Trump…...

1+ week, 5+ day ago   (92+ words) Oh hey, it’s the last day of August, which means we are two months and change from the midterms. Everybody’s eyes on the ball? Good. Here are some Monday stories: Feels like they made this rule for somebody specific, but…...