1+ week, 5+ day ago   (158+ words) Hope you like cicadas SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site on Earth.” The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility....

6+ day, 10+ hour ago   (139+ words) Finally landed the career of your dreams? Well, this dated, leaky 2-bedroom home is still all you’ll ever be able to afford because that’s just how things are now. Settle in and get used to it. Reference #830436 The post What…...

3+ day, 5+ hour ago   (278+ words) attacks were happening every single day in Democratic cities. “You go to Seattle or Minneapolis or any of those...9/11 Attacks Happening Every Day In Democratic Cities appeared first on The Onion. WASHINGTON—Saying...attacks were happening every single day in…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (87+ words) Thursday, September 3, 2026 Hope you like cicadas Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive order renaming “Lake Ontario” to “Lake America,” overtaking Google Maps,…...

4+ day, 10+ hour ago   (120+ words) This charming 2-bedroom is technically walking distance from the local train station, in the sense that humans are physically capable of walking 41 miles without dying. Reference #633879 The post Commuter’s Dream appeared first on The Onion. Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked…...

2+ week, 4+ day ago   (106+ words) The Onion Rest Of Waiting Room Getting Blurrier, Harder To Make Out Fourth Slice Of Pizza Consumed Without Facial Expression Autistic Husband Gifted Label Maker Badly Cast Political Ad Features Bus Driver, Construction Worker, Bus Driver, Bus Driver, Bus Driver…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (113+ words) The post Home Heeled Advantage appeared first on The Onion. Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings Wedding Ring…...

3+ week, 3+ day ago   (170+ words) Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed School is back in session for millions of students across the country. The Onion shares tips for ensuring your child has a safe commute. Attend a different school each day to throw would-be kidnappers…...

3+ day, 6+ hour ago   (104+ words) The post The World According to Harp appeared first on The Onion. New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (277+ words) HERSHEY, PA—Calling into question the candy brand’s apparent belief that consuming its chocolate-covered caramels constitutes a lively group activity, viewers told reporters Thursday that a new Rolo commercial greatly overestimates the social element of eating Rolos. “Rolo roll call!...