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The Onion

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The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

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The Onion
theonion.com > marlins-announce-first-10000-fans-at-game-will-receive-sandy-alcantara-bobblehead-to-share

Marlins Announce First 10,000 Fans At Game Will Receive Sandy Alcantara Bobblehead To Share

5+ day, 15+ hour ago   (342+ words) MIAMI—Calling the promotion an exciting and cost-effective opportunity to honor one of the team’s star players, the Miami Marlins announced Tuesday that the first 10,000 ticketed fans to arrive at an upcoming home game would receive a single Sandy Alcantara…...

The Onion
theonion.com > david-attenborough-admits-to-exaggerating-wonder-of-seals

David Attenborough Admits To Exaggerating Wonder Of Seals

3+ week, 2+ day ago   (231+ words) LONDON—Acknowledging that the sea mammals were far from being “awe-inspiring, beautiful creatures or a splendor of nature,” an embarrassed David Attenborough finally admitted this week to exaggerating the wonder of seals. “While I did several monologues in voiceover claiming…...