3+ day, 7+ hour ago   (278+ words) WASHINGTON—Saying the tragic events of 25 years ago were just the beginning in the nation’s blue states, President Donald Trump claimed Thursday that 9/11 attacks were happening every single day in Democratic cities. “You go to Seattle or Minneapolis or any…...

3+ day, 8+ hour ago   (104+ words) The post The World According to Harp appeared first on The Onion. New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...

3+ day, 10+ hour ago   (166+ words) WASHINGTON—Saying America could frankly be more grateful for the enduring image he provided, President Donald Trump claimed Wednesday that he was the previously unidentified Falling Man captured midair in an iconic photograph taken on 9/11. “I was on top of…...

3+ day, 12+ hour ago   (124+ words) 53, died Sunday but seriously looks so good you cannot even tell that she’s dead. The post Linda Westerman appeared first on The Onion. New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine…...

4+ day, 4+ hour ago   (90+ words) The post Democracy Files For Chapter 11 Bankruptcy appeared first on The Onion. Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Old Thing Really Heavy Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases…...

4+ day, 12+ hour ago   (120+ words) This charming 2-bedroom is technically walking distance from the local train station, in the sense that humans are physically capable of walking 41 miles without dying. Reference #633879 The post Commuter’s Dream appeared first on The Onion. Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked…...

4+ day, 12+ hour ago   (91+ words) The post Groom’s Wedding Vows Just Pledge Of Allegiance appeared first on The Onion. Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Old Thing Really Heavy Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of…...

4+ day, 12+ hour ago   (82+ words) Hope you like cicadas A new Gallup poll found that 52% of Republicans support labor unions in spite of GOP lawmakers’ continued push to stifle union priorities. What do you think? “We can’t count on all bosses to treat their workers…...

5+ day, 12+ hour ago   (299+ words) WASHINGTON—Setting off a fresh wave of scrutiny over the commander-in-chief’s physical condition, speculations regarding President Donald Trump’s health swirled Tuesday after he slumped over in the saddle of a runaway horse. This afternoon the president was seen flopping languidly…...

5+ day, 12+ hour ago   (118+ words) Family and friends of Shawn Graham, 56, were shocked and saddened to learn that it costs $300 to submit an obituary to a newspaper. The post Shawn Graham appeared first on The Onion. Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...