3+ day, 4+ hour ago   (279+ words) EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Touting the gameplay element as the ultimate immersive experience, Rockstar Games announced Thursday that a new hyperrealistic Grand Theft Auto VI feature would force players to serve out prison sentences in real time. “GTA VI is powered by…...

3+ day, 10+ hour ago   (388+ words) More people than ever are eschewing parenthood, and if you talk to my peers, they’ll readily tell you why. They’ll say it’s too expensive, or boast about how they’d rather focus on traveling or their careers. Some will even argue…...

4+ day, 7+ hour ago   (310+ words) TORONTO—Sharing new details about what fans could expect next from the hit series, Heated Rivalry producers teased Wednesday that Season 2 would follow an arc in which character Ilya Rozanov is diagnosed with a form of depression only curable via…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (93+ words) Hope you like cicadas The number of American men receiving low-energy sound waves to treat their erectile dysfunction is on the rise despite little evidence to support its use, claiming the procedure increases blood flow to the penis. What do…...

5+ day, 10+ hour ago   (253+ words) CARY, NC—Describing the experience as “a revelation,” 38-year-old Derrick Henard told reporters Wednesday that everything had finally clicked for him after he was given a diagnosis of stupid. “I remember googling the word ‘stupid’ for the first time, reading…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (260+ words) THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator of the Universe, reportedly struggled to remember on Friday why He made so many ugly…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (237+ words) Friday, September 4, 2026 Hope you like cicadas Influencer Alix Earle is the star of Netflix’s newest reality show, Earle Meets World. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Who is Alix Earle? A: Alix is a…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (124+ words) The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion. Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings Wedding Ring Jammed…...

1+ week, 4+ day ago   (298+ words) MARIETTA, GA—After the employee surfaced from out of nowhere to contend with lunatics once thought untouchable, sources at Horizon Insurance Solutions confirmed Tuesday that claims adjuster Erika Newton had emerged as a dark horse in the competition for most…...

1+ week, 4+ day ago   (255+ words) FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Tearfully admitting that he had been lost since his wife Linda died, grieving widower Anthony Greenwich told reporters Wednesday that he wasn’t sure he’d ever love someone his age again. “Linda was truly one of a kind,…...