3+ day, 46+ min ago   (279+ words) EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Touting the gameplay element as the ultimate immersive experience, Rockstar Games announced Thursday that a new hyperrealistic Grand Theft Auto VI feature would force players to serve out prison sentences in real time. “GTA VI is powered by…...

4+ day, 7+ hour ago   (82+ words) Hope you like cicadas A new Gallup poll found that 52% of Republicans support labor unions in spite of GOP lawmakers’ continued push to stifle union priorities. What do you think? “We can’t count on all bosses to treat their workers…...

5+ day, 3+ hour ago   (93+ words) Hope you like cicadas The number of American men receiving low-energy sound waves to treat their erectile dysfunction is on the rise despite little evidence to support its use, claiming the procedure increases blood flow to the penis. What do…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (168+ words) Tuesday, September 8, 2026 Hope you like cicadas The FBI warns artificial intelligence is being exploited around the globe by criminals who use the technology for deception. The Onion shares tips for detecting AI scams. Check if the message is signed “Captain…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (118+ words) Family and friends of Shawn Graham, 56, were shocked and saddened to learn that it costs $300 to submit an obituary to a newspaper. The post Shawn Graham appeared first on The Onion. Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...

6+ day, 7+ hour ago   (201+ words) Monday, September 7, 2026 Hope you like cicadas World’s No. 1 Vector Of Disease Eliminated From Nation ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (124+ words) The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion. Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings Wedding Ring Jammed…...

1+ week, 4+ day ago   (255+ words) FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Tearfully admitting that he had been lost since his wife Linda died, grieving widower Anthony Greenwich told reporters Wednesday that he wasn’t sure he’d ever love someone his age again. “Linda was truly one of a kind,…...

1+ week, 5+ day ago   (158+ words) Hope you like cicadas SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site on Earth.” The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility....

2+ week, 2+ day ago   (156+ words) Friday, August 28, 2026 The Onion shares the 20 most popular tracks of August. Inoffensive Bridal Party Entrance Theme Music We Are One (Official Song Of The 2026 World Cornhole Championships) Worry About Your Own Weight, Fat-Ass Go To Visitdubai.com To Learn More…...