3+ day, 2+ hour ago   (278+ words) WASHINGTON—Saying the tragic events of 25 years ago were just the beginning in the nation’s blue states, President Donald Trump claimed Thursday that 9/11 attacks were happening every single day in Democratic cities. “You go to Seattle or Minneapolis or any…...

3+ day, 3+ hour ago   (104+ words) The post The World According to Harp appeared first on The Onion. New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...

4+ day, 7+ hour ago   (82+ words) Hope you like cicadas A new Gallup poll found that 52% of Republicans support labor unions in spite of GOP lawmakers’ continued push to stifle union priorities. What do you think? “We can’t count on all bosses to treat their workers…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (299+ words) WASHINGTON—Setting off a fresh wave of scrutiny over the commander-in-chief’s physical condition, speculations regarding President Donald Trump’s health swirled Tuesday after he slumped over in the saddle of a runaway horse. This afternoon the president was seen flopping languidly…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (118+ words) Family and friends of Shawn Graham, 56, were shocked and saddened to learn that it costs $300 to submit an obituary to a newspaper. The post Shawn Graham appeared first on The Onion. Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (253+ words) CARY, NC—Describing the experience as “a revelation,” 38-year-old Derrick Henard told reporters Wednesday that everything had finally clicked for him after he was given a diagnosis of stupid. “I remember googling the word ‘stupid’ for the first time, reading…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (109+ words) The post Agriculture Dept. Puts Trump’s Face On Soybeans appeared first on The Onion. Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Old Thing Really Heavy Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second…...

6+ day, 7+ hour ago   (201+ words) Monday, September 7, 2026 Hope you like cicadas World’s No. 1 Vector Of Disease Eliminated From Nation ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday…...

1+ week, 6+ day ago   (89+ words) Monday, August 31, 2026 Hope you like cicadas Iranian state media released a video that appeared to threaten the life of President Trump’s youngest son, Barron, with the Islamic Republic placing a $10 million bounty on his head. What do you think? “Iran…...

1+ week, 6+ day ago   (248+ words) WASHINGTON—Calling the act a forward-looking attempt to preserve the nation’s most precious natural treasures for the president’s descendants, the Department of the Interior announced Monday that it would set aside a 2.3-million-acre stretch of American land for future Trumps…...