3+ day, 2+ hour ago   (278+ words) WASHINGTON—Saying the tragic events of 25 years ago were just the beginning in the nation’s blue states, President Donald Trump claimed Thursday that 9/11 attacks were happening every single day in Democratic cities. “You go to Seattle or Minneapolis or any…...

3+ day, 3+ hour ago   (104+ words) The post The World According to Harp appeared first on The Onion. New Study Finds 81 Percent Of Starbucks Patrons Silently Judging Each Other For Being There Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted…...

3+ day, 5+ hour ago   (166+ words) WASHINGTON—Saying America could frankly be more grateful for the enduring image he provided, President Donald Trump claimed Wednesday that he was the previously unidentified Falling Man captured midair in an iconic photograph taken on 9/11. “I was on top of…...

3+ day, 5+ hour ago   (213+ words) Musk, a new documentary about the SpaceX and Tesla CEO by Oscar winner Alex Gibney, premiered at the Venice Film Festival this week. Here is what the film revealed about Elon Musk: Was a bit of a loner as an…...

4+ day, 7+ hour ago   (82+ words) Hope you like cicadas A new Gallup poll found that 52% of Republicans support labor unions in spite of GOP lawmakers’ continued push to stifle union priorities. What do you think? “We can’t count on all bosses to treat their workers…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (299+ words) WASHINGTON—Setting off a fresh wave of scrutiny over the commander-in-chief’s physical condition, speculations regarding President Donald Trump’s health swirled Tuesday after he slumped over in the saddle of a runaway horse. This afternoon the president was seen flopping languidly…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (253+ words) CARY, NC—Describing the experience as “a revelation,” 38-year-old Derrick Henard told reporters Wednesday that everything had finally clicked for him after he was given a diagnosis of stupid. “I remember googling the word ‘stupid’ for the first time, reading…...

5+ day, 7+ hour ago   (109+ words) The post Agriculture Dept. Puts Trump’s Face On Soybeans appeared first on The Onion. Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Old Thing Really Heavy Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second…...

6+ day, 7+ hour ago   (201+ words) Monday, September 7, 2026 Hope you like cicadas World’s No. 1 Vector Of Disease Eliminated From Nation ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (87+ words) Thursday, September 3, 2026 Hope you like cicadas Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive order renaming “Lake Ontario” to “Lake America,” overtaking Google Maps,…...