4+ day, 7+ hour ago   (120+ words) This charming 2-bedroom is technically walking distance from the local train station, in the sense that humans are physically capable of walking 41 miles without dying. Reference #633879 The post Commuter’s Dream appeared first on The Onion. Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked…...

1+ week, 5+ day ago   (290+ words) NEW YORK—Condemning the widespread practice as “cruel and inhumane,” animal rights activists reportedly made comments Tuesday decrying the meat industry for separating calves from their cool uncles. “It should shock our collective conscience that calves as young as a…...

1+ week, 6+ day ago   (248+ words) WASHINGTON—Calling the act a forward-looking attempt to preserve the nation’s most precious natural treasures for the president’s descendants, the Department of the Interior announced Monday that it would set aside a 2.3-million-acre stretch of American land for future Trumps…...

3+ week, 3+ day ago   (117+ words) The post The Nude, Shrieking, 12-Foot Man Only We Can See: Could He Be The Next James Bond? appeared first on The Onion. Lesbian Softball Team Brings In 4’9” Ringer Better Looking Couple In Commercial Uses Correct Phone Company 138 Dead As…...

3+ week, 5+ day ago   (123+ words) The post Inter-Not-So-Stellar appeared first on The Onion. Better Looking Couple In Commercial Uses Correct Phone Company 138 Dead As Loud Sneeze Startles NRA Meeting Tree Planted In Man’s Name 9 Years Ago Shows Up At Doorstep Nervous Realtor Throws In Second…...