3+ day, 14+ hour ago   (325+ words) WASHINGTON—Revealing that the humanoid abomination seemed to have used the lubrication from its own body to slip through the bars of its enclosure, officials from the Department of Health and Human Services confirmed Tuesday that a beef tallow homunculus…...

4+ day, 6+ hour ago   (90+ words) The post Democracy Files For Chapter 11 Bankruptcy appeared first on The Onion. Display Of Genuine Enthusiasm Mocked Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Old Thing Really Heavy Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases…...

5+ day, 14+ hour ago   (168+ words) Tuesday, September 8, 2026 Hope you like cicadas The FBI warns artificial intelligence is being exploited around the globe by criminals who use the technology for deception. The Onion shares tips for detecting AI scams. Check if the message is signed “Captain…...

5+ day, 14+ hour ago   (109+ words) The post Agriculture Dept. Puts Trump’s Face On Soybeans appeared first on The Onion. Grandma Just Called To Talk About 1956 Police Lose Planted Evidence Old Thing Really Heavy Silent Protest Sparks Silent Debate Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second…...

6+ day, 14+ hour ago   (139+ words) Finally landed the career of your dreams? Well, this dated, leaky 2-bedroom home is still all you’ll ever be able to afford because that’s just how things are now. Settle in and get used to it. Reference #830436 The post What…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (91+ words) Friday, September 4, 2026 Hope you like cicadas The CEO of Pabst Brewing Co. put up a $20,000 reward to anyone who could provide information that leads to the recovery of 1,602 missing cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and non-alcoholic Old Milwaukee beers. What…...

1+ week, 3+ day ago   (134+ words) Thursday, September 3, 2026 Hope you like cicadas Country star Ella Langley is breaking records with her hit song “Choosin’ Texas,” which has now topped the Billboard Hot 100 for 20 weeks. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist. Nepotism…...

1+ week, 5+ day ago   (158+ words) Hope you like cicadas SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site on Earth.” The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility....

2+ week, 2+ day ago   (243+ words) Friday, August 28, 2026 Larry Ellison is the co-founder and executive chairman of Oracle, as well as the largest shareholder of the Paramount Skydance Corporation. The Onion sat down with the billionaire to discuss his ventures. The Onion: How did you get…...

2+ week, 2+ day ago   (266+ words) LOS ANGELES—Responding to scrutiny concerning her tech billionaire father, artist Stella Lefty admitted in an interview Friday that nepotism may have played a role in helping her get Groupon+. “I had to set up the account myself, but yeah,…...